One of the things that struck me about Hatmaker's project is the relativity of wealth and sacrifice. What might be really hard for one person to give up might be merely a matter of course for someone else, and meanwhile someone who does not have the resources or agency to give something up for spiritual kicks (so to speak) may well be rolling her eyes right now.
I mentioned that Hatmaker gave her new cowboy boots away; she left them with other donated shoes at the altar during worship service. How's this for a complicated reaction... I was impressed by this sacrifice. I looooove my Carson Frye boots and would be extremely unlikely to part with them voluntarily. But then, when Hatmaker casually mentioned that she replaced her boots soon thereafter, I admit that I was a little judgy. How in the heck can I impugn a sacrifice that I'm not myself willing to make??
So there's that.
I have been wondering about the nature of sacrifice. We have one income. We live in an affluent community. We are incredibly fortunate that we are able to live pretty darn comfortably on our one income, thanks to a church that has the resources and desire to pay its ministers well. Yet the decision to have one parent at home means that we cannot afford a lot of things that other folks in our community can. Does that necessarily mean we are "making sacrifices?" Maybe it's a relative sacrifice, but we are still considerably more comfortable than, say, a family trying to scrape by on one minimum wage income. It's hard for me to reconcile putting a positive value on the "sacrifices" we make when other people simply do not have the agency to make such decisions. The working poor are in many ways themselves the sacrifice of an unjust economy. Our economy is dependent upon people willing to work for very low wages.
So there's that.
I loved that Hatmaker was honest about how hard it was to give up certain luxuries. Her honesty was contagious, because I started being more honest with myself about how much I want. I think of myself as someone who at the very least dips her toes in simple living. Even more so, I am definitely someone who is uncomfortable with unchecked consumerism. But I think I have pretended to be less consumerist than I actually am. When I'm completely honest with myself, it's astounding the very long list of things I want and/or wish we could afford. (And it doesn't even take into account the many things we do spring for.) Here's just a small sampling of my wish list:
When I'm completely honest with myself, I think "I want that" about three hundred times a day. What do I do with all this want?
- I wish I had a racing bike, triathlon suit, and enough spare cash to sign up for another race this season.
- I wish we could have signed Juliette up for summer camp, because she would have loved it.
- I wish we could renovate our bathroom.
- I wish we could put built-in bookshelves in our living room.
- I wish we had a larger rug in our living room, and comfortable sitting chairs.
- I wish we could replace our broken dishwasher.
- I wish I could get that black and white skirt like the one Ann Voskamp wore at the Festival of Faith and Writing. Also, more cute clothes that fit well.
- I wish we could afford airfare to visit family in the coming year.
- I wish we could afford to get a babysitter more often.
- I wish we could afford a pool membership.
- I wish Ben could go back to school without worrying about the cost.
I think there will have to be a Part 3.
Katherine, I can really relate to your ambivalence about these issue, I feel similarly, after living a pretty good life on a pretty small income, but really wishing we could afford a nice vacation and better furniture and more/better clothes and to eat out more often. But also feeling guilty about my jealousy when others live on so much less.
ReplyDeletekatherine, i totally feel you on this one. marcus and i got a little caught up in needs vs wants and wants we felt were needs and racked up $18,000 in debt. in like 2 years. the weight of that was terrible and we put every extra dime towards our credit cards and this last tax return paid everything off. we are now determined to pay off our car then house and from that point on (hopefully) not have to take on any more debt because we will be able to save for the things we want. it's difficult though to change our thinking and what we value. it's so easy to get caught up in the consumerism or the desire to keep up with other people (no one else i knows lives with a 1970s kitchen). I just try to focus on how awesome it will be to be debt free and be grateful for those things i do have in my life. and how it will be a point of pride that when we are able to remodel our kitchen or whatever major project is next, it will be because we made responsible decisions, and worked hard and saved hard and exercised patience (something i totally lack!). oh, and if you need any help remodeling that bathroom when you can get to it, we could help! we did ours!
ReplyDeleteKatherine, this is a great post. We, too, live on one income so I can be at home, and while I say I like to live simply, I have a long list of wants. Even so, my life is full of what would be luxuries to lots of people. The biggest luxury we have is often choice and flexibility, which the working poor don't have much of.
ReplyDeleteThis is a good kind of discomfort to sit in.
So enjoyed this post, and feel like I can let judgment go once someone states the obvious:"someone who does not have the resources or agency to give something up for spiritual kicks (so to speak) may well be rolling her eyes right now."
ReplyDeleteWe too get by on one income, a forester's income which is probably comparable to a minister's:) Where you live, the community you live in, has such a huge impact on one's ability to live simply. There aren't seven places to shop in our town...I easily could go a year shopping at just our local grocery store and Amazon (is Amazon cheating since it is like a mall?). And I often lament that I wear the same seven outfits every week. I'm curious what she means/does for seven possessions? But even entertaining attempts to play with simplicity are better than naught.
I remember realizing, when my in-laws asked our kids to create "wishlists" on Amazon to aid their gift-giving, that we often encourage this "want" addiction in children---anything my kids wanted at a young age, they would get up and make, but the weird consumerist twist on Christmas (and grandparents who send toy catalogs!) changed that a bit.
I've always had money guilt, even though I didn't have any money. FINALLY, at the ripe age of 40+, I've embraced money as a symbol of time and energy...and I want to be a good curator of time and energy. I manage my money much better when I focus on the good I do by sharing those reserves of time and energy.